It Hurts To Gasp So Much
by putputters
Summary: Draco's not sure how to deal with having Potter over for Christmas break. He's got enough problems as it is. And, oh god, his mother is so smitten, she practically wants to adopt Potter. Leave it to Potter to barge into everyone's lives (primarily Draco's) and be so goddamned charming. And irritating, of course irritating. Christmas fic, set in HBP.
1. Chapter 1

December 24, 1996

Draco sighed as his eyes closed shut and his jaw clenched. He'd stopped writing and dropped his quill onto his parchment. Even through the walls, he could hear that blasted noise.

"Potter, stop that humming. You're tone deaf and hurting my ears."

He noticed Potter's head peeking into the room, a glimpse of green eyes in the small space of the cracked-open door. He noticed the smile on Potter's face before he asked, "What's it to you, Malfoy? You hate Christmas or something? Lighten up, Christmas is tomorrow."

Draco sneered. "Please. I'd enjoy it more if you weren't spending it at my house; I deal with you enough at school, Potty."

A laugh.

"...What?"

Potter frowned before he opened the door and leaned against the doorway. He crossed his arms and said, "You're such a child, Malfoy. I thought you had enough time to adjust to me being here. I've been here for days."

Draco snarled. "Fuck you, Potter. Don't start acting like you don't hate being at Malfoy Manor. You were sent here by Dumbledore to spy, not have a damned vacation!"

Potter gave him an incredulous look. "I wasn't sent by anyone." He paused then said, "I just wanted to see how you were doing. You seem different lately."

Draco felt a wave of anger wash over him. He scrambled out of his seat and pointed a finger at the other boy. "Don't you dare patronize me! I know you need to satisfy your hero complex, so why don't you go save a few Hufflepuffs instead?"

Potter threw his hands in the air and gave a dry laugh. "Ha! You don't need help? Come on Draco, I'm not the only one who notices how dark those circles under your eyes are! You look like you've lost a well-needed stone or twenty! Your pale skin is even whiter than usual and you look like fucking Death itself!"

He grabbed his wand and jabbed it towards the other boy. "I'm warning you, stay out of my business or I'll Stupefy you and throw you in my cupboard for the rest of Christmas break!"

The look of anger in the other boy's eyes gained gleams of a deep sadness. A grim smile darkened his face as he said, "Way to ruin the mood, Malfoy. Did anyone ever tell you that you're a fucking prick? I'm just worried about you; you don't have to yip your fool head off like a chihuahua."

His hand wavered for a moment before he growled in frustration and slammed it against his desk. Grey eyes remained glued to the table as he barked for Potter to leave his room.

"Fine. I'll go. But take two seconds to think about why I would force Dumbledore to let me come here. I came here for you, Draco."

Draco listened as he heard Potter close the door and walk off. He heard him call for his elf, the traitor, and then he heard nothing but the sound of his breath as he tried to regain control of his emotions.

He sunk back into his seat and covered his eyes with his forearm. Draco's eyes opened; he saw only black, but knew if he pulled his sleeve up, he'd see the mark that was supposed to give him power. A choked laugh left his throat as he realized the mark damned him instead, stealing the life out of him and robbing him of his sanity. It wasn't called a "dark mark" for nothing.

His legs brought him to his bed. Draco lied down and rolled onto his side, facing the wall. Even in his own home, he felt unsettled and worried. His paranoia ate away at him; the negative emotions that bubbled in him negated any comfort his own bed could offer him.

Draco was brilliant and he knew it. He would be the brightest of his year, if not for Granger besting him every now and then. Each time, he resented the mudblood when his father glared him down for being a disappointment to their family name. Despite being so brilliant, why did he feel so helpless? Why did he feel as if he made the hugest, stupidest mistake ever and would pay for it dearly in the future?

He did not like feeling helpless. It was as if he was drowning, uselessly grasping at the water surrounding him, and failing to move any closer to the air above water. Everything was a blur. Except for the damned mark that waved in front of his eyes as his arms flailed, trying to fight being pulled deeper.

Draco's eyes squeezed shut as he painfully gripped his forearm. He would not cry. He chose this. His family was in danger and he would have to kill someday. Life after the mark was not at all how he pictured it. It was dark, dangerous, and wrong. And he chose it.

He fell asleep gripping his forearm.

XXX

Draco was on the start of a dock that led into a large lake. He heard someone in the distance calling him, telling him not to go, to wait. He smiled as his legs took off down the length of the dock. When he reached the end, he dived into the water, making a large splash. The moment he hit the water, he knew something was wrong.

He broke the surface of the water, sputtering as he choked while liquid filled his lungs. Something was pulling him under and he couldn't swim. He'd been dragged quite far in a few seconds, drawing closer to the bottom of the lake. He wished he had his wand; it would have been easy to escape the predicament. His arms and free leg flailed madly; he didn't blame himself for having no composure while dying.

Draco knew something was dragging him deeper, but he didn't know what. He was afraid to look, but kept feeling drawn to looking down at his captured leg. Never one to resist great temptation, he looked down. His lips mouthed the word "fuck" when he saw a giant snake coiled around his leg.

Even under water, he could hear its hisses; its tongue flickered against his thigh. Draco was no parselmouth, but he could hear it whispering something. The snake slid up his body, coiling around his torso. Its head was right in front of his face. It seemed to smile as it squeezed whatever breath he had left in his lungs from his body. The thin, red tongue flickered as he watched it hiss, "You chose this."

His eyes immediately broke open as he gasped, choking on and coughing out the nonexistent water. Draco felt something warm against his back and simultaneously turned around while scooting himself so his back was on the wall. He glared at the enemy he couldn't see. Couldn't see? He turned towards the window on the wall and took note of the moon. Oh.

Realizing he had a nightmare, Draco relaxed slightly but continued to gasp and cough uncontrollably. Once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw Potter lying on the dark half of his bed. He wanted to say "I always knew you were a ponce and couldn't resist my charms, but I thought you'd have the decency not to sneak into my bed", but only glared as he tried to get his breathing under control.

Potter scooted closer to him. "Draco," he whispered.

Draco noticed the green of Potter's eyes sparkling under the moonlight. And then he promptly wanted to kill himself for doing so. It was rare for him to see Potter without his stupid glasses. Draco decided in that moment that he preferred him that way, and then proceeded to continue gasping for much needed air.

The-nest-of-unruly-black-hair-on-legs moved closer to Draco. He didn't realize he was clutching his mark until Potter detached his death grip from his arm. His green eyes looked gentle, concerned. "Come here," Potter said in a soft voice. He patted the area in front of him.

He didn't know why he did it, maybe it was the warm tone in Potter's voice or maybe he just wanted comfort (even if from Potter), but he obeyed and let a toned arm wrap itself around his shoulder. He was lying in bed. With Potter's arms wrapped around him. Arm actually. His gasping lessened as he lied there. He wouldn't admit it outright, but the fool's presence calmed him some.

Potter pulled Draco's head to his chest before his hand petted Draco's back. He whispered things like "I'll protect you", "You're alright", "Everything will be okay".

Draco scoffed. Yeah right. And he thought he was the one with crazy dreams. After a while of being petted and calmed down by Potter, Draco stopped gasping and got his breathing back on track. His throat was dry and his chest hurt. It hurt to gasp so much.

Draco mastered Occlumency, so he was surprised when Potter, who seemed to read his mind, offered him a glass of water that popped out of nowhere. Draco didn't question it. He sat up and drank the contents of the glass like a parched wanderer in the desert. And for some reason, after he was done, he fell back to his spot, lying close to Potter.

Potter placed the glass on the bedside table before he urged Draco under the duvet and got under it himself. He stared into Draco's eyes. "Better?" he asked.

Draco rolled his eyes. Did Potter really expect him to talk after that? He just grunted in response. The chill of the night made him shiver, so he inched closer to Potter.

Calm silence filled the air for a few moments before he heard that blasted humming again. He had no choice but to listen, and after a while, it wasn't really too bad. Draco could never figure out what tune it was that Potter hummed. He assumed it was either a song he knew that Potter mangled with his lack of tone sense or a muggle song. Draco's thoughts were interrupted by the other boy's quiet voice.

"Hey Draco... Happy Christmas," he said with a smile that reached up to his stupid sparkling green eyes.

His eyes widened a bit before he snorted and turned around. He heard a chuckle behind his back before he felt Potter's body curl up to him. Draco didn't have the heart to push him away at that moment. It was Christmas after all. He could go on hating him later. Instead, he let Potter's body warm him up and comfort him.

He fell asleep surrounded by Potter's warmth.


	2. Chapter 2

December 25, 1996

Draco heard familiar voices echo through the hall. He blinked a few times, letting his brain adjust to the idea of being awake. He stared blankly at his doorway; the door was cracked a bit open like he liked.

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Malfoy, it's looking like a very nice Christmas indeed."

"Harry, dear, call me Narcissa. I wonder when that son of mine will get up, he's always loved Christmas, so I'm surprised he wasn't the first of us to be awake," Mother said in a cheery tone.

He listened as they conversed in hushed voices, occasionally laughing once in a while. Draco's eyes closed as he relaxed, listening to the happy sounds. And then they opened wide. Harr- Potter was talking to his mother like a bride to a mother-in-law. He hoped his mother hadn't revealed any of his secrets. His body slid off the bed and before he knew it, he'd run into the lounge staring at Potter and his mother. They stared back at him.

For a brief moment, a deafening silence filled the room. And then a chuckle came from Mother and childish snickers from Potter.

"See, Harry? He was so excited that he ran out in his sleepwear." She smiled.

As his mother came towards him and patted his cheeks ("Oh, Draco, no matter how many Christmases pass, you'll always be my sweet boy" she said), he looked down and realized he was indeed wearing pajamas. He looked at Potter, who smiled at him, and assumed Potter magicked his change of clothes after he fell asleep.

Draco slept surprisingly well. He hadn't slept properly since he got the mark. Maybe even before that. All he knew was that he was relaxed and as calm as the snow that fell outside. Though he knew he should be afraid and worried, Draco had the strangest feeling that everything really was going to be okay.

"Draco, love, go on and get dressed. We'll have breakfast and open presents later after Christmas dinner." She nudged her son towards his room. A twinkle appeared in each of her eyes as she whispered, "I have to say, Harry's got you a wondrous surprise! He's planned this since he and I went shopping the day after he arrived! You'll love it, I just know you will."

Draco simpered at his mother's doting behavior directed at not only him, but at Potter as well. He remembered when Potter arrived on the 21st; Mother was about as subtly baffled as a proper lady could be. She didn't seem too surprised, but she didn't look quite comfortable with his presence.

How was a woman to act when the boy who put her husband in Azkaban was to stay with her for Christmas break? She certainly reacted better than he did though. Draco reacted instinctively: he thrust his wand out and Petrificus Totalus-ed him. Needless to say, he was heavily reprimanded by Mother for his "appalling manners". He expected Potter to get angry and return a hex or two, but after Mother un-petrified him, Potter stood and smiled at him like he was doing this morning.

He glanced at Potter, whose eyes caught his, and immediately turned away from him to head towards his room. Draco dressed himself in a black turtleneck and grey trousers. He threw on black socks and his feet slipped into matching shiny dress shoes. As he walked back, his ears caught more shared giggles between the two and he made a sound of disgust.

Draco walked to the dining room, where the sources of the giggles were coming from, and took a seat at his usual spot.

"Draco, come sit by us. It's Christmas and you want to sit all the way over there?" Potter grinned and beckoned for him.

He knew better than to blatantly insult Potter in front of his mother, so he bit his tongue and moved to the seat opposite of him. The house elves magicked food on the table for each of them and he quietly began to eat. When Draco caught the smirk of approval his mother gave him (for his civil behavior, he assumed), he almost coughed up his breakfast. What did she think he and Potter were? Friends? Ridiculous!

He finished his meal and moved to leave, but Potter called out to him and he stopped.

"Draco! Would you take a walk with me?" His voice was tinged with a sort of nervous anticipation.

His mother gave them both a look of reassurance, so he hesitantly nodded. The thing about feeling abnormally calm was that he didn't feel the urge to curse anyone who usually irked him. Even Potter.

"Lead the way," he said as he Accioed his black trench coat. He heard the other boy summon his own black jacket as well.

XXX

He followed Potter through Malfoy Manor to the back gardens. The snow blanketed the greenery and grounds. Except for the quiet whistle of the wind, the only sounds were of their rustling clothes and the crunches of their footsteps in the snow.

The calm feeling he had from before changed into a strange sort of nervousness. He never spent much time alone with the other boy. Not only that, but just the night before, Draco revealed his weak side in front of him. He didn't know how to act in front of Potter anymore.

As they walked, out of the blue, Potter asked, "Do you remember when we first met?"

Draco snorted. "Do you?"

Of course he did. No one he wanted to align himself with had ever rejected him before. His heart clenched when he remembered the heartbreak he received from being humiliated. "Heartbreak" was a bit exaggerated, but his little first year self was unprepared for it and it resulted into his undying bitterness towards Potter. Draco ground his teeth: he could never forget.

"I could never forget," Potter said a bit warmly, as if it was one of his favorite memories. He gave Draco a little smile.

Draco forgot his bitterness for a moment and stopped in his place. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he stared into green eyes.

"I used to remember that and reacted the same way you just did," he said. "In a dark way, whenever I was angry at you, it made me happy to remember the look of dejection on your face."

He sneered and was about to spit out a response before Potter cut him off.

"But things changed: we're not kids anymore. That memory makes me smile because it's really the only time you were ever nice to me. You manage to get strong emotions out of me, but I don't hate you. Never have." He dug the tip of his shoe into the snow nervously. "It took a lot of talking with Hermione and Dumbledore to get me to realize that."

"So what? Are you going to tell me you found out you secretly harbor feelings for the boy you supposedly hated? Is that right, Potter? Do you fancy me? Is that why you were in my bed yesterday?" He stepped closer to Potter with each question, staring daggers into him. The nervousness quickly transformed into bubbling anger and he was about to explode. If Potter barged into his life on a whim, he could easily just walk right out.

Potter flushed. "Wait! It's- It's not like that! Will you just-"

He interrupted the other boy's protests and grimaced, his forehead almost touched Potter's as he stared down at him. "I'm touched, but I don't need your sudden delusional 'affections'. But that answers the question you asked of me before: why did you force the headmaster to let you come here? Your stupid Gryffindor recklessness did, because," he smiled mockingly, "you, Harry Potter, think you like me."

Potter's face reddened even more as he stared down at his trainers. Then those green eyes of his blazed as looked into Draco's and shouted, "So what? Yes, I might like you, but I didn't come here just for that! I want to help you and I want to get to know you better, even if it's just as a friend! I was willing to go slow, but we don't seem to have much time left, so I'm making do with now!" He took a step back and held his hand out towards Draco, "Now quit being a prick and take your Christmas present!"

Draco's anger faded as fast as it had come. Potter wanted to sincerely befriend him? He stared at Potter's outstretched hand and couldn't resist himself. He laughed. At his burst of anger, at his surprising relief, and at everything really. "And what is your hand supposed to symbolize, huh, Potter?"

Potter frowned, "My friendship. Now shake."

"And what if I don't want to? You ego must be huge if you think your friendship is what I wanted as a Christmas present." He smirked.

"Oh, shut up! You wanted it years ago and I didn't give it to you 'cause you were a nasty prat. You still are, but I've been seeing and hearing sides of you that make me think maybe you're secretly a decent bloke. Shake!" He glared at Draco and waited.

Draco's smirk pulled his cheek taut as his hand clasped Potter's. "I won't take you as a friend, but an acquaintance instead. I wonder what The Weasel will say when he finds out you've decided to ally with me after all? Better yet, that you're practically ordering me to take your hand!"

Potter immediately pulled his hand away and threw up his middle finger. "Fuck off, Malfoy."

"'Malfoy'? I thought I was 'Draco' now."

"Not when you're being a prick again. I'm telling you now, Malfoy. My friendship entails that I would do anything for you and expect the same in return. Being my friend also means you respect my other friends by default. You don't need to be nice, but you will never disgrace them with behavior that Narcissa would see unfit to treat me with." His face was considerably less red, only tinted a slight cherry color because of the cold. Potter's lips pushed together in a tight line.

Draco sniffed and frowned in disgust, "Acquaintance, Potter. Acquaintance. And, ugh, when did you and my mother become best friends?"

Potter's lips broke out in a smile as he said, "Your mum's very nice. The whole time you spent mostly avoiding me before Christmas Eve, we talked about lots of things. It's easy to love her after getting past her initial bear-like protectiveness. I think she's fond of me now." His legs started walking again, towards the large gazebo.

Draco followed as he groaned his complaints. "You love her? She's fond of you? Oh God, next thing I know, she'll make you come home with me every break. If she extends that protectiveness towards you, she'll never allow you to return to those muggle relatives of yours."

Potter paused a moment before he continued walking and asked, "You know about them?"

He paused also before he said, "I only know that you stay there every break because you've nowhere else and it's protected against the Dark Lord and his followers."

"Oh... Okay." There was a strange silence before they reached the gazebo and he finally smiled. He said, "Alright, now here's your real present. I was going to do things all properly and give you your presents at one time after setting the mood, but then you ruined it by making me give you your first present early."

Draco felt Potter grab his arm and he was dragged into the gazebo. The inside of the structure was charmed to be warm and to keep out the cold weather. He also noticed the Christmas decorations that livened up the area. "What is this?"

"Just wait." He turned and called for Dobby, who dropped off a wrapped box and disappeared with a pop after he praised Potter's goodness. Potter smiled as he thrusted the box into Draco's hands. "Open it."

Draco shamelessly and eagerly ripped the wrapping off (he did so enjoy getting presents) and opened the box. He looked at Potter, then at the present, then back at Potter. "I hate you," he said with a shake of his head and a grimace.

Potter's shoulders trembled as he took out the plastic silver crown, encrusted with fake emerald jewels, and placed it on Draco's head. He took out the stuffed toy ferret (about 4 hands length) and arranged it around Draco's neck. He smiled brightly and broke out in laughter. "And now you two match!"

The ferret's crown poked at his skin, so he moved its head a little further away from his neck. He should have been furious at the stupid present he got, but he looked at Potter's face and he couldn't find the urge to.

The tips of his unruly locks were damp from the snow. Potter's green eyes glistened with joy. His cheeks were red from laughter, which was happy and not at all in a way meant to be humiliating. And his wide, open smile made Draco feel uncomfortable; it was strange.

He glared at Potter after composing himself and scoffed. "Only you would get me such a common gift. Malfoys never refuse presents, so I'll keep this shabby crown and toy. You should be surprised I'm not hexing you for giving me such a tasteless gift. I'll take the set as a token of our acquaintanceship."

"To our acquaintanceship," Potter said as he petted the fake ferret with a grin.


End file.
